Hey beautiful souls! It's your girl coming at you with some real talk about this holiday that's got me all up in my feelings...
Y'all, can we just be honest for a hot minute? Thanksgiving is... complicated. Like, really complicated. And if you're sitting here nodding your head like "YES, GIRL!" then you're my people, and I see you.
The Thanksgiving Dilemma: When Gratitude Meets Historical Reality
Listen, I'm all about gratitude. As a mama, an artist, and someone who's been through some THINGS (looking at you, 2016, 2022 through 2024), I know the power of thankfulness. But can we talk about how we're supposed to feel all warm and fuzzy about a holiday that's literally built on the erasure and genocide of Indigenous peoples?
Insert record scratch here.
The "first Thanksgiving" story we learned in school? Pure fiction, honey. The real tea is that European colonizers brought disease, violence, and devastation to Native communities. The Wampanoag people, who supposedly shared that peaceful feast, were actually dealing with the aftermath of losing 90% of their population to plague. That's not exactly "pass the cranberry sauce" energy, is it?
So here I am, a Black + Native woman whose ancestors were stolen from their homeland, trying to figure out how to navigate a holiday that celebrates... well, let's just say it's not celebrating what they told us it was celebrating.
The 365-Day Gratitude Problem
But here's the thing that really gets me fired up: Why do we need ONE day to be thankful?
Like, seriously? We're supposed to ignore gratitude for 364 days and then suddenly become grateful gurus for 24 hours? That's like saying "I'm only going to love my daughter on Mother's Day." It makes no sense!
As someone who's been on a healing journey (shoutout to therapy, y'all), I've learned that gratitude isn't a once-a-year event. It's a daily practice. It's finding joy in my toddler's sticky fingers creating art on my freshly cleaned walls. It's appreciating the smell of my homemade essential oil blend wafting through our minimalist living space. It's being thankful for the simple pleasure of a quick lentil curry that costs less than $8 and feeds us for two days.
Grief at the Gratitude Table
And can we talk about how hard holidays can be when you're grieving?
This is my first Thanksgiving without both my parents, and y'all... it's heavy. Really heavy. Some days I'm fine, living my best plant-based, nature-loving life, and then BAM grief hits me like a freight train in the middle of Target. (Why is it always Target?)
The pressure to be "grateful" and "blessed" when you're dealing with loss feels impossible sometimes. Like, yes, I'm grateful for the memories, but I'm also mad that they're not here to see their grandbaby refuse to eat anything that isn't shaped like a dinosaur.
Grief and gratitude can coexist, though. I'm learning that it's okay to feel both. I can miss my parents AND be thankful for the time we had. I can acknowledge the problematic history of Thanksgiving AND still want to gather with my chosen family over some bomb cornbread dressing, greens, and sweet potato pie.
Redefining Thanksgiving on Our Own Terms
So here's what I'm doing differently this year:
Starting a New Tradition: Instead of just listing what we're thankful for, we're talking about what we want to create more of in the world. My three-year-old said "more purple things" (which, honestly, is a vibe), and I'm here for it.
Honoring Indigenous Peoples: I'm using this day to learn more about Native American history and supporting Indigenous-owned businesses. Native Hope is doing incredible work if you want to join me.
Making it Accessible: Not everyone can afford the Pinterest-perfect Thanksgiving spread, and that's okay! Some of my best memories are from potlucks with simple, budget-friendly dishes that brought people together.
Creating Space for All Feelings: Whether you're grateful, grieving, frustrated, or just trying to make it through the day - all of it is valid.
The Real Tea: Gratitude as Resistance
Here's what I've learned in my journey from teacher (trauma and all) to artist to mama: Gratitude isn't about pretending everything is perfect. It's about finding light in the darkness, community in the chaos, and hope in the midst of historical and personal pain.
When I choose to be grateful for my daughter's laugh, for the way morning light hits our plants, for the stranger who helped me carry groceries when I was overwhelmed - that's resistance. That's me refusing to let the weight of the world crush my spirit.
This Year's Gratitude List (The Real One)
Plant-based meals that don't break the bank or my sanity
Natural deodorant that actually works (finally!)
My daughter's ability to find joy in literally everything
The way grief has taught me to love deeper
Online communities of like-minded souls who get it
The courage to create, even when I don't know what lane I'm in
Thrift store finds that make our home feel like us
The realization that not fitting in might be my superpower
The Greens and Yams Situation
But listen, with all this deep philosophical talk, I still want those greens and candied yams. Fight me.
Just because I'm questioning the historical narrative doesn't mean I'm giving up the food traditions that bring my soul joy. I'm making these bomb collard greens and these candied yams that'll make you slap somebody's grandmama (with love, of course).
Food is culture. Food is love. Food is resistance. And honey, I'm resisting with a FULL plate.
Moving Forward with Intention
So this Thanksgiving, I'm choosing radical honesty over forced gratitude. I'm choosing to honor the complexity of this day while still creating space for joy, connection, and yes -- really good food.
I'm teaching my daughter that we can question things while still finding beauty in them. That we can hold multiple truths at once. That gratitude is a daily practice, not a seasonal performance.
And most importantly, I'm remembering that finding your tribe -- whether it's blood family, chosen family, or internet strangers who just GET you -- is something to be grateful for every single day.
Your turn, beautiful souls: How are you navigating the complexity of Thanksgiving this year? Are you feeling the mixed emotions too, or have you found a way to make peace with this holiday? Drop a comment below and let's create a space for real talk about gratitude, grief, and everything in between.
And if you're looking for more honest conversations about motherhood, creativity, plant-based living, and finding your tribe, make sure to subscribe to my newsletter. We're building a community of souls who aren't afraid to question everything while still finding joy in the simple things.
P.S. - If you're dealing with grief during the holidays, please know you're not alone. The National Alliance on Mental Illness has resources that might help. Take care of yourself, love.
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